in the end

even though we've faught so many times but one thing for sure i know that i love this man till the end of time and i want to keep him forever. he makes me mad even in the simplest thing ever and he makes me mad for somthing big but still i keep on loving him cuz i believe he is a good man and a good boyfriend and he will change. im learning, waiting and be patience that if he is like that then i need to accept him who he is, and i'll wait for him if he needs time to be alone and i learned that i need to be patience for him to grow up and be a little bit mature. as much as i think he is the one who need to grow up, i need to grow up too. but to be honest i dunno how long i can be this sensible. im being sensible right now cuz he is not here with me and im missing him so much but when he is with me again i doubt that i still have that sensibility. i hope i'l still have it. the problem is not entirely his fault. a part of it is my own fault. however im feeling this ego inside me to admit it and when i do i still think it is not my fault altho a part of it is. then i would start feeling geram and bengang and marah and benci but at the same time i miss him and i love him so much. i want him now but i dont want him now but i want him. thats what im feeling. pretty psyche huh? i hate him so much yes i do. i hate him for taking a break. its ridiculous! its bullshit! my mind says it is a good idea but my heart n my mouth says HELL NO. im a feeller not a thinker.

one thing im affraid is that im so affraid once he has heard my voice and get full response from me, he would less texting me and call me or see me cuz he knew that i already forgive him and he would think there are no more problem so he should focus on somehting else. im really really AFFRAID of that. and i benci sgt if it happens again. when that happens im the one who will always text him first or call him so many times. then i will start to membebel and then we will going to have a fight again. i just wish after this break he will stil text or call me like always.


since penang,ive learned so much from my girls and they have been really helpfull. plan A ive learned to that i need to be patience and understanding. and Plan B ive learned that i need to be patience and wait. i'll wait. i'll wait..for u. again. as much as i really HATE waiting even the word itself to me is very annoying and sickening but i know to make this relationship works out i must wait. for him. i dont know for how long but im going to try. try really really HARD.

because i cant look at any other man without thinking about him. i miss his smile his hair his hands his broad shoulder his jokes but mostly i miss his voice and the way he looked at me and hold my hands as if he would never let me go and keep me forever in his arm. in the end, no matter how many times we fight, i still love him and love him and love him and love him.

i never actually believe in soulmates. when i was younger than i am now, people around me kept saying they have found their soulmates. who is your soulmate? WHAT is soulmate? i didnt even know what it means. UNTIL one day when i sit back on my sofa and read my novel while i was enjoying my cup of tea, suddenly i stopped reading and sipping. a picture of a man from the novel i was reading slide down on my lap when i turned to the next page.i realized at that moment i know what soulmate means. DANIAL. i dont know what he did or how he did it, but i know for sure HE COMPLETES ME.

From there on, i know what soulmate means. soulmate means someone you can share your thoughts with, someone will laugh at your stupid jokes,or someone who can make you laugh eventho they most probably wont laugh at your jokes cuz he or she might think its not funny, someone who can give u a hug no matter how far they are, someone who can be there for you no matter what, someone who has the most simplest common things with you, someone who can share information with you, someone who can hold your hands and tells you everything is going to be ok, someone who wants you as badly as you want them, someone that you can just talk about everything and anything without ever getting bored and finally, i think soulmate is someone that is almost as the same as YOU. when you have found the right person who has so much things in common with you, that is YOUR SOULMATE. baby, i love you and i want you forever hehe.

p/s: thank you for the cd. the greatest gift anyone has given me :) i miss you.

THINGS that i wanna eat

makanan melayu fav saya

- tom yam campur
- nasi grn kampung OR nasi grn ikan masin
- teh o ais limau
- sirap limau
- sotong goreng
- water chessnut for dessert (not malay food)

selain melayu

- carls junior
-chilis
- tgi friday
- mcd (ofcourse)
- kfc hmm yumyum



p/s: i am damnnnn hungryyyyy n imu..

Leaving.

im leaving.goodbye now..


p/s: im ready.but its up to u now. i'll stay away from u as long as u want me to. tc s.y.g ,goodbye.

thanks

thanks for noticing.

Movie Critique

i think i wanna be a movie critique HAHA =P but seriously i like watching movies and i analyze it at the end of the movie. but wait. so does that mean im qualified to be one? or it was just a matter of opinion? everyone can critique. but what makes a person a professional critique?is there any some sort of qualification or certification? or this is some sort of angan2 bodoh? the truth is i HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT I WANT TO BECOME and i dont know what im good at or capable of. its pretty depressing to figure out who you really are but at the end of the day u will do what the world tells you to do. PAYCHECKPLEASE!

There are 4 kinds of love

im not sure whether i get this right or not but please correct me if i do.

There are four kinds of love.

Love number 1 : love is blind.

Love number 2 : and love fades...

Love number 3 : but sometimes love also can be found..

and love number 4 is : unrequited love. which would be the saddest love ever in the universe

and i didnt come up with this on my own, it was in The Holiday =) the most soothing and
comforting movie ever. love it love it love it.


p/s: "iris, if ure a melody, i will only use the good notes". - my favourite quote from the movie. -

my cat died.

Even though i have already post about this on "OUR" blog but urmm i guess it would be more appropriate to post it in my own blog. Toffee died on 2nd of July,2008. some unknown car hit him and ran. He was a good cat and we loved him very much. seeing ur own cat laying dead on the road infront of your house is just sad and scary. if only that evening i masukkan them all in their cages Toffee would still be alive right now. i kinda blame myself because i was the only one who was at home at that time. if it wasnt because of my stupid decision to take a shower first, none of this thing would happen. but urmm then again i thought to myself, if things are meant to happen, it meant to happened. Good Bye sayang. Ure in heaven now. its better than living in this world filled with stupid heartless reckless drivers.

for a start

H E L L O.


p/s: im not really good in blogging. thank u.